Me as a Communicator

I was happy to see that the two people I had fill out the communication questionnaires rated me relatively the same as I rated myself. I chose to have two colleagues, both at different levels than me, complete the questionnaires because I interact and communicate with both of them differently. The scores were as followed:

(Communication Anxiety, Listening Style, Verbal Aggressiveness)

Me: 38 Mild / 32 People-Oriented /  67 Moderate

Trainer: 48 Moderate / 36  People-Oriented / 66 Moderate

Program Lead: 38 Mild / 43  People-Oriented / 63 Moderate

It surprised me that the Trainer rated me as having moderate communication anxiety-indication that that I show concern in many communication contexts, depending on the situation-  but then I realized why and it made sense. I communicate well with the Trainers and staff  however, when it comes to management- it's a completely different story.  

I continuously refer to the Trainers before ALL of my interactions with management. This management team is very unsupportive, negative, and always trying to find a scape goat- never admitting to their own mistakes. I find myself overly cautious in any communication with them because of these facts. They do not actively listen to you and only pick up on the words, phrases, or ideas that they want to hear. Whatever  information fits their ideas or perspectives they will retain and use to support their argument. 

Aside from this difference, I wasn't too surprised about the results. I am glad that others view me the same way I view myself- it just means that I am as real as I try to be. I'm not fake, I don't pretend, I am honest and straight forward and people see that. I did read a little bit more about the different tests we took this week and I found an article on the communication anxiety  and it offered different types of anxiety and after reading I've found that I have acute communication anxiety- or momentary anxiety depending on the situation.

These two example perfectly summarizes my acute communication anxiety as well as the type of management I work with:

We have 2 child development complexes- each having their own Director/Assistant Director/ Trainers/Assistant Trainers. The other site's Trainer asked if I could do the Parent Involvement Training on potty training and transitioning due to scheduling issues. I agreed- nervously and excitedly- She had already created the powerpoint for potty training and I had to do the transition one. When it came to the day of the training, I was nervous AF to present her slides- but when I did mine- I was gooood. See, I knew the content in mine, I created it, I knew what the slides entailed her's on the other hand- although I knew the information and I reviewed the slides, I did not create it, I was not comfortable presenting it. <--------- Acute Communication Anxiety

When I informed management that I would be doing the training they wanted to see and approve the powerpoints first. They reviewed and told me to make changes to about half of the slides. They informed me that a member from Region would be there (mandatory to attend one parent training and it just so happened to be mine insert eye-roll) The day of the training, the director told the Trainer that she had to be there with me. Then the Director and Assistant Directors came as well... leaving NO management or Trainer available next door in case of an emergency (this was a Training issues before and we were told that at least on of us had to be available during trainings... insert another eye roll). The next day after the training, the Director of the other center called our center to praise me for doing a great job. He offered me constructive feedback and reassured me that I did a great job. Management in my center, to this day, has not said a single thing to me about the training. I presented 2 months ago.